tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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