I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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