another moral hangover. fuck.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
