He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
