Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
