I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
