I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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