I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
