Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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