When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
