I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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