your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
