Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
