Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
