...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
