I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
