I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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