hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
