i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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