your parents love me but you hate me
White coat. Heels.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
