I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Welp...herpes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
