My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
