I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
