kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
