i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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