We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
