My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
