I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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