Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
