I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
