Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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