I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
