I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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