So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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