He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
