Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
