Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
