tonight lets celebrate not being married
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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