people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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