I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
