I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
