my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
