I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
