The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
