i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
