I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
