Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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