she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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