He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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