I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
